Health + Youth

“‘The business intrusted to this fellow was the making of bricks—so I had been informed; but there wasn’t a fragment of brick anywhere in the station, and he had been there more than a year, waiting. It seems he could not make bricks without something, I don’t know what—straw maybe. Anyway, it could not be found there and as it was not likely to be sent from Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was waiting for. An act of special creation perhaps. However, they were all waiting—all sixteen or twenty pilgrims of them—for something; and upon my word it did not seem an uncongenial occupation, from the way they took it, though the only thing that ever came to them was disease—as far as I could see. They beguiled the time by back-biting and intriguing against each other in a foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting about that station, but nothing came of it, of course. It was as unreal as everything else—as the philanthropic pretence of the whole concern, as their talk, as their government, as their show of work. The only real feeling was a desire to get appointed to a trading-post where ivory was to be had, so that they could earn percentages. They intrigued and slandered and hated each other only on that account—but as to effectually lifting a little finger—oh, no. By heavens! there is something after all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse while another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight out. Very well. He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way of looking at a halter that would provoke the most charitable of saints into a kick.’”

—From Heart of Darkness

Which of the following statements was not used to promo next week’s Mad Men?

“It’s serious.”
“It’s really serious.”
“I’m not joking.”
“Don’t say that.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Women will never succeed in this business.”
“That’s your problem, not mine.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“It’s really, really serious.”
“I need a drink.”

–Photo by Colonel Douglas H. Wheelock

The best part of this totally reasonable, well-constructed, not-at-all droolingly, gibberingly insane article about John Cusack’s Sunday night Twitter rampage? The kicker. Copywriter Jo Piazza sets it up by explaining, using the expert testimony of expert experts, how the expression of such celebrity opinions could induce a violent response from a fragile public still obsessed with Say Anything and in need of a hug. (“‘His provocative tweets could easily incite a rabid fan to commit violent acts against Fox News Headquarters and others he names,’ said Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist.”) Anyway, kicker:

“Ironically, Cusack has just been signed to play Edgar Allen Poe in ‘The Raven’, a movie about a serial killer who uses Poe’s stories as inspiration for his killing spree.

Cusack’s publicist did not reply to calls and emails for comment.”