Unattended Children Will Be Given…

– a free espresso and a dog*
– Red Bull tallboys and two tickets to see Ke$ha, live in concert
– waxed mustaches, waistcoats, a side of cured organic pork and a brownstone in Park Slope
– an all-expenses-paid Valentine’s Day vacation to David Lynch’s house, featuring special tour guide Cuba Gooding, Jr.
– matches and a tank of gas**

*—w/thanks to Ninth Street Espresso, who carefully strain their brews through the cuh-yootest little filters of affectation (but I keep buying it, so, really, who’s to blame?)
**—w/thanks to the Afghan Whigs

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